M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
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To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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