i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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