Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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