How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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