I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
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Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
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