Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
this just has baby written all over it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
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