I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize