are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Randomize