I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
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He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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