Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
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In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
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Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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