this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
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He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
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I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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