No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
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Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
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If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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