Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
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organizing the empties. That sober.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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