Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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