my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize