i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
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I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
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Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I want to fling myself into the sun
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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