I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
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I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
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Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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