how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
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That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
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He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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