I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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