guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
my shit smells like andre
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
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