There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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