Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize