I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
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The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
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It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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