He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize