that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
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