the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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