I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
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as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
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I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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