apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
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not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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