I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
We left an ass print on the piano.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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