remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
This house was built for laser tag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i drank out of a bidet.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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