I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
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Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
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Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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