He asked to "fluff my boner.."
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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