I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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