The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
3 2 1 whiskey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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