Where is the hickey?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
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HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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