I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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