Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize