a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
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I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
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The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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