so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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