this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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