we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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