i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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