Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both

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  (248): i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both http://tfl.nu/4hk0
  Replies (9) Good night (2888) Bad night (768) Order T-Shirt
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  (916): View more from California

  OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads

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  (916): OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads http://tfl.nu/e0lk
  Replies (8) Good night (3131) Bad night (370) Order T-Shirt
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  (207): View more from Maine

  I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers

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  (207): I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers http://tfl.nu/79gv
  Replies (9) Good night (2705) Bad night (466) Order T-Shirt
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.

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  (503): My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it. http://tfl.nu/89xj
  Replies (40) Good night (5243) Bad night (3509) Order T-Shirt
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .

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  (317): I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket . http://tfl.nu/mvi5
  Replies (58) Good night (6604) Bad night (626) Order T-Shirt
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college

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  (732): been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college http://tfl.nu/n77e
  Replies (11) Good night (990) Bad night (3799) Order T-Shirt
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  (337): View more from Louisiana

  There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.

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  (337): There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back. http://tfl.nu/dznq
  Replies (6) Good night (4482) Bad night (1054) Order T-Shirt
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  (813): View more from Florida

  I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.

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  (813): I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me. http://tfl.nu/z6eo
  Replies (36) Good night (19455) Bad night (1409)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out

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  (423): Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out http://tfl.nu/rbnc
  Replies (13) Good night (1313) Bad night (3081) Order T-Shirt
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.

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  (570): You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash. http://tfl.nu/b0ts
  Replies (19) Good night (1982) Bad night (538) Order T-Shirt
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  You want anything?

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Gatorade and you naked.

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  (802): You want anything? (610): Gatorade and you naked. http://tfl.nu/khdc
  Replies (10) Good night (3427) Bad night (450)
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  (254): View more from Texas

  when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?

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  (254): when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger? http://tfl.nu/g708
  Replies (13) Good night (1053) Bad night (394)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.

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  (901): A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird. http://tfl.nu/mrcn
  Replies (10) Good night (1136) Bad night (320) Order T-Shirt
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  (219): View more from Indiana

  He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.

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  (219): He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket. http://tfl.nu/ujcd
  Replies (4) Good night (1195) Bad night (308) Order T-Shirt
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.

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  (586): He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head. http://tfl.nu/0c7d
  Replies (11) Good night (642) Bad night (291) Order T-Shirt

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