Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize