I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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