nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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