I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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