Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
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Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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