GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize