I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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